WHY???

Why is our world so full of hate, evil, and violence? :( When you look around, you can just see it everywhere. When you turn on the news all you can see are people killing people, men raping kids, wars in other countries, people cursing people, corrupt government officials, and list is so endless! Sad, isnt it? But not only that, its also sad to see people say they are believers, go to church but whenever it comes time to stand up and say something they sometimes dont know what they’re talking about. Like, they know what’s wrong and right but still they chose to do wrong instead of doing something that will be helpful for humanity and pleasing God i.e., getting super drunk, smoking weeds, doing drugs, hurting and judging people, cheating on their partners, mocking people and God, making up stories, denying their faith in Him, etc.. I’m not saying I’m perfect and sinless, coz I’m not. (But I always try my best not to commit sin. Lol. ) But what I’m saying is that, it’s just so depressing to see the world so messed up because of what we do. :(

It scares me knowing that any day I could die and these things would still continue and not a single person will give a damn anymore. But my faith is stronger, I believe that it’ll all come to an end. One day, all the wicked, evilness and godless people will be gone. I just cant wait for God’s second coming. I just cant wait for the world to be perfect again and all evil destroyed. And all who truly believes in Him and obeys Him shall be with Him in heaven forever. :))

Is God calling me? :/

I feel like God is calling me. But I dont exactly know what to do, where to begin and how am i gonna do what I am supposed to do.

I’ve felt the urge, this feeling, or this so-called calling, rise up within me and I just cant contain it anymore. I’ve already felt this before but I chose to ignore it, thinking that It’ll pass. My visits to church became sporadic, praying was just like more of a memorized “Thank-You-and-I’m-sorry-Lord”, did crazy things and didn’t care about the consequences. And then just until God used his hammer of holiness upon me… and everything changed.

God used my heartbreaks, my previous relationships, my painful experiences, my daily issues, my friends that are not in the Christian path, the people around me and the Church to get my attention. Just whenever I hear people talking about Christianity and anything related about God, I easily get affected by it, to the point that I’d get hurt and cry when they dont agree with my beliefs. Lol. I even get myself involved to some people who think living a Christian life is silly and uncool. I respect their opinions of course, but still, it kinda hurts me. And that’s when I can feel Him speak unto me. I know, I know, it might sound corny, exaggerated or you can say I’m just hallucinating or imagining things. But I dont know, its what I feel. :/

These past few days, I’ve been feeling different. It’s as if its haunting me, it just doesn’t let me sleep. I can’t think clearly. I always feel the need to listen to gospel songs, to read something about God, to go to church and help a depressed friend and ask them to leave everything to Him. Lately the questions have been, “Why Lord? Why am I feeling this way? Is this for real?” Lol. But yeah, seriously, I asked myself those questions like almost everyday. I’ve been praying, praying really hard, talked to pastors (which I think God has sent just in time), told them what I’ve been feeling, asked for their advice, read the Bible, searched for the answers in the internet,told my mom, my friends and my boyfriend about it. And I must say, all of them were such a great help.

But until now, honestly, I’m still a bit confused. Confused if I’m gonna do it or not. Yes, I wanna help people be closer to God, to lead and inspire, pray for them, share the good News and see them come to faith in Christ. For it blesses me to help people especially the special people in my life and it blesses me to please God. But I’m not sure if I’m the right person for the job. I don’t know if I’m even credible for it and I don’t know if I can be able to stand for it, for like til’ I die. Coz I know it’s going to be hard, really hard. Lol. But it’s not like I’m not yet ready to give up the things I need to give up… Uhmm yeah, but it’s not that easy, you know? And the responsiblity is so big I might not be able to carry it. Uggh!!!! Or maybe I’m just waiting for more signs and confirmation. Haaaay. This is crazy!!!